Islam and teenage dating
In that answer, I directed the young man to the ethics of such a relationship, as stated in Quran and Sunnah. These ethics are to guide people regardless of their age. To read that answer, please click: A Noble Sentiment or Fake Love? I will also refer you to another answer about the right age for marriage, in order to give you some guidance in relation to such an important point.
What is the permissible age for a girl to marry? Under such circumstances, you might be able to see one another in quite a halal environment, among your families. To those wonderful young Muslims who have been, and are, able to follow rightly the commands of Allah I am indeed most pleased and may Allah give you extra Blessings. You do not need what I am about to suggest, just continue to live Islam in its purest form.
To do this you have to set some limit as to how far you will go in the wrong boy-girl relationship. As I look at the likely steps in the progression of relationships I see that there is a natural point where the risk of harm, particularly leading to the greatest harm, becomes clear. In that progressive sequence. What I am suggesting is that if you cannot or are not willing to do what is right and best then at least keep to a limit that will minimize the harm to you and to your future marriage. If you set the absolute limit at only those parts of the boy-girl relationship that can take place if you are never ever to be alone together you can still have quite a bit of the fun and pleasure of having as a friend a member of the opposite sex you like a lot, talking to them, and even being some sort of couple.
Actually this is a lot. The fact that many of our wonderful young Muslims, who have friendships with a member of the opposite sex, do sincerely have the intention of abstinence makes the commitment to never be alone together all the more likely to be effective. Still you are stealing some part of what is special and should ideally be held only until after marriage, but you are retaining the most intimately precious parts until they can be experienced rightly with the one you marry. Remember, this can only work if that limit of never being alone together is totally absolute.
To make sure this limit is never passed it must be understood that no person in the relationship would ever even suggest in any manner at all to the other that they should meet in a way that allows them to be alone together. Make sure right from the beginning that the person you like understands how strongly you feel about this matter, and that they feel the same. If your friend were even to suggest meeting alone this should be sufficient evidence that the person you liked is not a right person to have a relationship with; and, you should be completely willing to end a relationship with anyone who would care so little about harming you and your whole future just to satisfy their selfish needs.
For this plan to work it is critical that the Ummah around you, your Muslim peers, feel so deeply concerned about this matter that they would not only look very unfavourably on those who chose to be alone together, but also on anyone who would even suggest being alone together. This has to become an unbreakably strong social taboo. I do this in hopes that by offering this alternative to a greater wrong you can be protected against the greatest harm, and that this can be an early step in the progression toward a future Muslim Ummah where no alternatives are needed and ALL young Muslims fully follow Islam, the way of life made right for us by Allah.
Do it only because you know a small harm is better than a great harm, while no harm at all is always the very best. Because feelings of love and desire are so strong more acknowledgement must be given to the powerful need to be part of a couple that is being felt by both young Muslim boys and girls. No one should doubt that these feelings are very real and completely natural; by natural I mean Allah has placed those feelings within all human beings. Allah has prepared boys and girls both physically and mentally to be ready to bond as a permanent couple through marriage with a member of the opposite sex at quite a young age.
That age is probably about years old. Please do not misunderstand, I am not by any means saying that all or even most young Muslims who fall into that young age range are emotionally ready for marriage. This presents a significant problem for young Muslims because in most nations of the developed world, and increasingly in the developing world, the average age for marriage has now become about years old. This means that after Allah has prepared you for love and marriage you might have to wait another ten or fifteen more years to partake of those most wonderful pleasures.
Waiting ten or more years after you have been made ready for a loving relationship with a member of the opposite sex to finally experience that relationship is an awesome task to contemplate. This alone might be one of the many reasons some young Muslims today are finding it so difficult to obey the limits placed by Allah and end up in boy-girl relationships beyond that which is known to be right.
Young Muslims for over a thousand years had been able to resist the temptations of a relationship with the opposite sex beyond the limits set by Allah. To understand why that was so we must understand how all aspects of human consciousness and behaviour are conditioned by the influences of the environment we grow up in. In the past the temptation of a loving relationship with a member of the opposite sex before marriage, while still alluring, was combined with a wide range of very powerful social influences almost invariably saying that to have any relationship with a member of the opposite sex outside of marriage was so terribly and intolerably wrong that it would be virtually inconceivable to do such a thing.
Given these are the realities our dear Muslim youth face today I am going to make one more suggestion that could help keep the wondrously beautiful institution of marriage pure and innocent as Allah intended. I am relieved to say that this suggestion is well within the limits placed by Allah, although it is not within the prevailing cultural practices of the modern world. Since Allah has prepared young Muslims for love and marriage at a very young age, and for much of the history of Islam marriage has taken place at a young age, maybe we should return to that practice today.
If young Muslims only had to wait a year or two after the time that Allah prepared them mentally and physically for marriage, rather than to wait the seemingly interminable ten to fifteen years that modern culture dictates, might not virtually all Muslim youth be willing and able to restrain themselves from coupling until that intimate love is made right for them by marriage? My dear young Muslim brothers and sisters, upon reading this suggestion please do not rush out planning to get married at a very tender age.
To make early marriage work will be no easy task. At the time when Muslims married at a young age we had a much more right Islamic society for those marriages to flourish in. If we wish to reintroduce marriage at an early age for young Muslims we must do everything we can to ensure a society conducive to making those youthful marriages successful. I have thought long and hard over this matter and I have not been able to come up with any other viable solution to the multifaceted problem of Muslim youth disobeying the command of Allah to participate in wrongful relationships with the opposite sex other than reinstituting early marriage as the norm within our ummah.
If we are going to suggest early marriage as the solution to the relationship difficulties facing Muslim youth then we must do everything within our power to help ensure the success of those early marriages. I see two important hurdles which must be overcome in order to give early Muslim marriages any real chance for success. There will be other difficulties to be sure, but if we can find a solution for these two then we will be well on our way toward making happy and successful early marriage among Muslim youth an achievable accomplishment. The first prerequisite for success will be to find some way to make sure that young Muslims make the right choice of a marriage partner.
The second precondition for success would be to find some way to make sure that the young Muslim married couples do not succumb to the tremendous burden of financial stress during those delightful but fragile beginning stages of married life. That is a completely untrue belief that has been wrongly conditioned into the minds of many young Muslims by the powerful influences of a Godless decadent culture. Most young Muslims would have no idea at all how incredibly and exceedingly blind love can be. When the heart experiences love the eyes and the mind can become totally oblivious to the most obvious of faults.
Although arranged marriages have recently fallen well out of fashion, they really did have a lot going for them. There is no question of the reality that arranged marriages have generally been happier, more successful, and long lasting. There are many logical reasons for this. First and foremost among the reasons is the obvious fact that parents will have a much more objective perception of the overall suitability of the prospective marriage partner for their son or daughter.
Even if modern Muslim youth do not want to give their parents complete responsibility for choosing a good marriage partner for them, they should at least have a wholehearted acceptance of the fact that they must never marry the person they choose for themselves without the unqualified approval of their parents.
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To refuse their parents full right of approval would indeed be to court disaster. The other crucially important circumstance that must be taken into consideration is the financial situation. In many cases youth in their late teens will either be going on for further education or they will not be able to have access to employment that provides sufficiently for the financial needs of the young married couple. It is only right if we want to successfully reintroduce marriage at a young age that Muslim parents, relatives, and Islamic society all be prepared with a generous, loving heart to help the young married couples financially to the degree that money never becomes a hindrance to a happy and successful marriage.
If done rightly and with sincerity the return to youthful marriage within our Muslim Ummah could provide other benefits besides helping to ensure right relationships and loving marriage for future generations. It could help reinforce the traditionally strong Muslim family relationships as generations work together helping their children have happy and successful marriages.
It could vastly increase the feeling of love and appreciation by Muslim youth for their parents and their extended family relationships. It could bring the attention of our ummah to the fact that the original practices of Islamic life according to the limits set by Allah are indeed still the very best way to live, even in the hectic modern world. It might motivate our Muslim Ummah to work ever harder to help transform the very wrong society of today's world into a much more right Islamic society as we attempt to provide the best possible social environment that can nurture our most dear Muslim youth as they strive to have happy and successful Islamic marriages.
All he wants is for my mom to stay home all day and never work. My mom has a job, but the reason why is because my dad has finacial problems. Even when my mom uses the money to buy herself a new shirt, or skirt my dad complains. I don't want to live like my mom, spening the rest of my life controlled by a man and not having the simple freedom of buying a shirt with her own money that she earned.
I want to be equal with my husband. I wany him to respect me, and to acklowlege that I am a woman. I don't want to stop believeing my religion. It's I know, but the more I grow, the more I get away from it. The more I age, the more being an athiethis sounds more logical to me, and I don't know what to do.
I am really scared. I'm 18 and I need help. I don't have anyone to talk to about this. Both of my parents will probably disown me if I talked about my stuggles with my faith in Allah. I really don't what to do Really think someone should have replied to you under the circumstances and predicament that you state yourself to be in but hey better late than never! I'm a 17 year old muslim growing up in Britain and I find it really hard to steer away from attention I dont always want from girls at my college. I mean yh its great girls calling you fit and cute but the only thing I dont like is this thing at the back of my mind or heart At times like these I just think about education success and then put love at the end of the list always telling myself that my love will surely last after I have established good financial grounds for myself and my family and then I can look for a long lasting relationship.
I'v liked this one girl in my college for about 7 years now and she asked me out once when we were younger and I rejected her because I was scared and my parents distanced me from the notion of dating or love that I had no clue what to do. It's more difficult that most people understand growing up in the UK in my case or any western state as a muslim especially muslim teenagers. I swear for some weeks all I can think of is birds and the fit tings at my college. I just have to remember that at the end there is love and if what I think is 'my true love' the girl I'v liked for 7 years really loves me then she will wait for me.
DAMN I wish I could just start up a successfull business and get pee'd up so I can bring her back home to the folks without a problem: What about Nika Mut'ah? I know it's popular among Shiites and Western Muslims known as Western Islam and sometimes Liberal Islam What would you say to those people who say that marrying someone just to date them?
Do you think a Muslim who rushes into marriage because they want sex or not to be single would have a long lasting marriage without divorce? In other words some one who is not ready for not only marriage but also to be in a relationship shouldn't consider marriage. But that's my opinion. But if they're ok with marrying then divorcing if things don't work out then I guess they could do that. The bad thing is that one pays to get married and pays to get divorced.
And then the legal responsibilites of marriage. I fear she will not listen to me because i did explain to her a few times before she starts dating that this is forbidden and immoral. How do I proceed I am so angry right now. It seems like you may not be active on this blog anymore but I just wanted to tell you that this helped me. Born and raised in the states, I've always been very conservative. I "blossomed" now in my 20s and started my career. I met the potential convert you mentioned. I've made a conscious decision to get away from this. I hope the wrong I've done doesn't block a blessing of a righteous and good husband even though I don't think that's how God works.
Hi and thanks for reading my blog. Yes you're right, I haven't been active on this blog lately but I do monitor it and God willing I hope to continue blogging soon once things get less hectic for me. It's hard out there being a Muslim but the fact of the matter is that we are not immune to society and the problems that come up just because we are Muslim. We have to deal with peer and social pressure, drugs, sex, materialism and all the other problems that exist is this life. I'm not a scholar by any means so take my advice with a grain of salt. You made a good decision to get away from this path you were going on with this person you've been seeing.
We must not forget that there are external unseen forces around us that are at work. Shaytan and even our own soul are working to break us down and do things we know aren't right. We are at a constant daily war with ourselves, our wants and desires and against the devils influence. We have to remind ourselves of both OUR purpose in this life We're being tested in this life by God and will be judged by our actions and decision making and will be either rewarded or punished for what we have done and the purpose of Shaytan To do whatever it takes for us to fall off so badly in sin that we are punished with Hellfire.
Once these two things are understood we can put into place an action plan that will be effective in making us meet our goal and making Shaytan fail in his goal. So you were doing right by getting away from the rationale you had. You would also do right by avoiding interactions with this person whom you found yourself developing an intimate relationship with.
Potential convert or not, it's a no-no. Avoid interaction, contact whatever. If you want a relationship with a good Muslim man, go through the proper channels, not mingling with a guy hoping he converts. Ask God for protection from all of lifes temptations and for God to bring a worthy mate into your life. I'm 15 and I am muslim and I just met this guy and he is really really nice, I have the words "I love you" stuck in my throat everytime I see him but I have to push it down.
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I want to say something to him but my parents are strictly muslim and wouldn't let me do such a thing, even if I hide it. A lot if muslims at my school date nowadays. One other thing I wanted to ask is if tou can be dating someone but not have any sort of physical contact with them as long as you let them know that, that is not what you are into. Should i just leave him and wait until he's ready financially?
Coz it quite hard as he reallt needs me to encourage him and support him at his bad condition right now.. Brothers and Sisters, In my country it is good to go on one or two dates before getting engaged. I would like to go on a date because, how will I know if this is the man I want to spend my life with. I feel as if it is necessary to go on dates because what if he is not your kismet. It would be better to know them first and obtain mutual feelings first before getting engaged and feeling stuck to that person because you can't leave them anymore. I don't think that going on dates just to find out who someone is, is a problem.
Rather I think it is a blessing because Allah knows what will happen, but it regards the path we choose to walk down, we have to go find our kismet in a spouse and not just wait around and get proposed by people we don't even know. I am texting this guy that lives very far away in my country and I only saw him once during summer on my vacation.
A few months ago he added me on facebook and I knew it was him, because that night in summer that I saw him I feel in love with him. I didn't know him or his name and he didn't know me or my name. He said that it was funny how Allah sent him here on my profile. Now I'm waiting to see him again, and to see on a dae if he is my kismet.
Thank you for all of this information!
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I recently went out to dinner with an old friend of mine that I haven't seen in 10 years. He picked me up at my house paid for dinner, we went to a cafe after and continued to talk and then he took me home and asked if he could see me again and I said yes. After what I would call "our date" he's been pretty distant. Before our date we were texting everyday until then. He is Muslim and Practices this religion as well as his whole family. I am non muslim and just now learning about this religion and I did ask him questions about it in person.
I'm just wondering after us going out and getting to know each other, is this him starting to court me? He said he had a good time he was glad it went well and wanted to see me again but I find it weird we're not communicating a lot after. About 2 months ago I got caught by my parents with a guy I've been with for around 4 months.
I feel really bad about it but at the same time I have strong feelings for him. We're very young and I know what we did was wrong and I try to repent to Allah as much as I can. We got really close. Since we got caught he cut off all communications with me and I know that it's the right thing to do.
Dating In Islam: Why Muslims shouldn't Date and why YOU shouldn't either. | PhilAsify
His mom is a teacher at my school and my mom went to her and they had a talk. I thought my feelings will begin to fade but they're not and they're so strong. I just want your opinion on the matter than you. Lately I'm getting frustrated as I have found someone but I am in no position to marry. I'm starting to question the big deal regarding just being with someone.
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I mean, I like someone, they like me we have a connection it seems the whole marriage thing is a bit extreme in terms of that being the only way to be together. It just causes more hassle because of the worry of not being able to support financially at the moment. But I have to stop myself from having a natural instinct towards someone and loving them and being happy just because I can't pay their bills at this point in time.
I see millions of people who are in long committed relationships who aren't married and who are just living together. Which I'm my mind is questioning the saying " a halal relationship never works". I'm a Muslim girl entering highschool and it's a whole new world. I don't want to get caught up in the dunia and do the wrong things but it's a bit difficult.
You would think that a girl who wears hijab would get a bit more respect and the guys would back off. No matter how many times i explain to them the reason why I can't date or play around with them like any other normal boy and girl would ,they just dont understand. The bad thing is that I feel like I'm getting sucked into this madness. In my head I begin to justify and validate some things that I did which I know are wrong. This is a cry out for help!!! What should I do? How do I stop myself from getting caught up into all this craziness?
Honestly, there is no way to stop this. It all depends on you and the will that Allah has given you. I am male so I cannot completely relate but I can tell you this. This madness isn't going to stop. I am sorry for being brutally honest but it isn't the truth. One thing you might want to consider doing is telling your school counselors what is happening.
My best friend, who is female, has had this problem. She talked to her counselor who thankfully understood and somehow managed to put her in all female classes. It doesn't have to be a counselor, just somebody.
I don't know you. You have no idea who I am. As one of my sisters, I care for you I am sure you wouldn't trust me. Do not take to the internet to ask for solutions. Ask, friends, family, whoever you trust. This is all the advice I can give. I read your article and it was very interesting. But, in today's modern society, it is considered "weird" to ask someone to marry them without actually having an intimate relationship with the person first. And, distancing yourself from the person you "crush on", could make them move away from you too and then you lose them as a friend and a partner.
As a Muslim, I am always taught to trust in Allah and that he will guide me. But, I can't deny that I'm worried that if I don't pursue the relationship, I will never find out if she is that special someone. I would love to here your thoughts on what I have said. Thank you in advance. Sorry for the late reply. Muslims aren't perfect me included.
What I laid out in the article is what should be done but again since we're imperfect, we may not be able to follow it perfectly and that's why we pray to God for guidance, help and forgiveness and try to do the right thing as much as possible. You can pursue the relationship, there's just a right way to go about it. Asking to meet her parents if possible. Meeting and talking with eachother in safe settings where you wont end up having sex and getting intimate. Easier said than done but as Muslims we have to strive and TRY to do that right thing.
You got a very nice article. It was really well written and very interesting that i couldn't do anything but to keep on reading. After some effort to figure this dating thing for my self i also came across some useful articles that worth reading. Donn't thank me; what are friends for?
Now he wants to not have relations for at least 90 days so we can get to know each other better. Is this a practice in Muslim faith? That's not a practice of the Muslim faith, that is a Muslim man feeling guilty that he is doing something he shouldn't be doing. I am currently dating a boy. I am Muslim and he is not. U explained to him I can not do any kissing or sexual things. Is that still a sin or not? Could you please help me out because I have been searching for an answer but can't find one or if you could give me your opinion it would mean a lot.
Yes it's a sin. Again we Muslims aren't perfect. We are built to make mistakes and screw up. We have to try as much as we can to do the right thing. You may think a hug is innocent but in Islam it says to not follow the footsteps of Shaytan. A hug could eventually lead to a kiss, a kiss could lead to clothes coming off and sex eventually. It may not be happening now but it COULD happen and Shaytan definitely wants it to happen and its more likely to happen when you two meet alone.
As a Muslim girl I would advise you not to meet the boy in private. If you have an interest in him, let it be known, don't hide it parents must know. If you're too young to get married, avoid the relationship. If you are serious and feel you are mature, have a conversation with your parents about it. That may seem scary but it's better than making mistakes down the road and hiding your struggles. Thursday, May 3, Dating In Islam: Though this article is directed towards Muslims, it applies to everyone in the realm of dating, those looking for love and coming up unsatisfied etc. New York Times -Cheating and casual no string attached premarital sex are at all time highs.
Believe me, I have spent many nights racking my brain trying to figure this one out for myself back in my teenage years. I yearned for that one magical verse or explanation that makes everything clear. Let me break the suspense by saying that I have yet to find that one verse. The good news is that my search has given me a much better understanding of this difficult question.
To put it bluntly: It sucks out your soul. The "game of dating" --especially if you're a Muslim-- inevitably spins out of control and becomes very hard to maintain. The real challenge to your faith starts when the attention shifts away from the needs of your soul to the needs of your body and drains your efforts to increase your remembrance of God. I am pretty sure that no matter how strong you think you are, this soul drain is bound to happen when you invite the process of premarital dating to your life.
If you feel you can date someone without the physical stuff, you gotta be real with yourself. For some, there may be a sincere intention to have only a platonic social interaction with a person. In this case, the relationship should be called a friendship, not dating, and all parties involved should have a clear understanding of this from the very beginning without any room for guesswork or temptation. Even then, what one day seems like just a friendship may develop into something more.
Let's look at if from another angle. The classic argument to support physical relations is claiming that the person is "rightfully yours. Based on the flawed reasoning, sexual relations with someone who is rightfully yours is not as bad and makes you feel less guilty about your actions.