Dating my ex husbands friend

Mostly cause when she spring the news on me, she was still acting as one. But I'm starting to realize that maybe she never was. There is an unspoken social compact, a line that she crossed, so your feelings are justified. You got blindsided by somebody you trusted. She made a clear choice when she pissed on your campfire. Put some teardrops on that elephant, and let your friend circle know.

May your revenge be glorious. This is exactly what I meant when I said you will find damaging answers on the internet to your problem. I was all Rambo'd up, even ironed my camouflage underwear for Do not use deltas for any other purpose. You must include an explanation of the change along with the delta so we know it's genuine. Delta abuse includes sarcastic deltas, joke deltas, super-upvote deltas, etc. Clearly your friend did something really scummy, but she should be allowed to date him because they are adults and may have something special. They should be allowed to do as they wish so long as she apologizes or at least recognizes that she did something wrong.

The apology is probably what is missing from the equation. When she first came at me with the idea, I was open and listening.

She seemed willing and positive to stay friends. I didn't submit to anger and I said that I get it but I need time to process. I would like to try to keep what we had as friends. As time went on, I realized that she maybe said she wanted those things too so that she could tell others I was ok with it and that she tried..

She hasn't shown remorse at all and hasn't reached out since to hang out. I know it's probably easier to cut me out because tons of people know the three of us together and who I was. It's probably easier for her to move on without me as a nagging reminder of what transpired. So I'm missing the apology part which sucks. And I know it's probably too late to get one as their relationship is just becoming stronger and I'm moving into the distant past.

Perhaps she is waiting for you to reach out to her? She probably thinks you hate her and don't want her to call you. I invited a lot of times. I think it was all insincere She has no reason to feel remorse, as she has done nothing wrong. Her possible feelings of guilt are because she empathizes with you. So you told her you get it and that you want to try to keep what you had, then go on an 18 month animosity spree and now you're demanding an apology? Do you have mental problems perhaps?

I'm not demanding an apology. I left her be to date him without any hateful messages or words from me. I'm on Reddit to get some help. It's just saddening to me to see her quickly move on my old life. Knowing she's sleeping in the bed I picked out, cooking with my bridal shower gifts. I'm saying I know I won't get an apology and that sucks. But I'm trying to get over the feeling that I was wronged in some way and it's hard to see past it.

And yeah, the feelings from all this kinda make me feel like I'm crazy. I feel like talking to random strangers on the internet about this is not a very good idea, rather talking to a professional a trained psychotherapist might actually help. Your feelings are understandable as you are a human, but they are not good for you at all and on the internet you will find every possible answer, even ones that can be very damaging and alluring basically the ones who agree with you and rationalize your feelings in a way that sounds good, even though it just leads to not resolving the issue and strengthening the feelings.

The only person who wronged you was you, when you left your husband, if you're now harboring resentment towards your friend for moving in on "your" old life. He isn't yours anymore - by your choice. She got with someone you clearly had no further interest in.

It would be different if he had broke it off with you, but you are the one that closed that door. You need to fully accept the implications and responsibility for your actions. You don't get to have these things both ways. I do wish you help and hope you make peace with your friend. If not, the only thing you can do is to try your best to move on. Let me understand; you cheated on your husband and you're the one feeling " betrayal, loneliness, heartbreak, anger, depression"?

No I didn't cheat. We were extremely close but I lost physical attraction to him. He didn't lose attraction to me. He was changing in personality and what he wanted to do with his friends. Our energy levels weren't syncing. He was extremely careful and plan oriented and I was more adventurous and more spontaneous.

We got each other like twins but it felt more like a sibling relationship. We went through therapy and stuff to try to rekindle but I couldn't feel passion or a rise sexually anymore. For what it's worth I agree that if she didn't take your feelings into consideration, then she's not a friend. As far as your marriage goes, it just seems like you gave up really quickly.

As least you didn't have kids. It was at a crossroads of whether we should continue planning the future and bring kids into this. At the time it felt like I couldn't stomach anything, never wanted to be home, and couldn't breathe I feel totally ok that my marriage is over. It was the right decision. I braced myself for the time when he would start dating someone else, and I genuinely wanted him to find someone to make him happy.

But there's just something entirely different about him dating someone he met after me than dating my best friend. I'm trying but I just need a bit more clarity on how to accept this. I'm talking about a best friend's right to even consider this path was an option. If you were her best friend, then you would be happy that she found someone who you had explicitly stated you did not want to be involved with romanticly to be happy with.

You are thinking only of yourself, and attempting to exercise control you have no right to assert. You loved him once, presumably for many years. It ended - I'm sorry, but too many people carry a hate for their ex and it only hurts them as you are clearly hurting. There is no reason to want him to be alone and miserable, no reason for you to want your friend to be alone and miserable either - other than selfish reasons.

It seems to me that it's natural they would like each other since they both liked you so there must be come commonality there. You need to heal yourself emotionally so you can let go and let these people get on with their lives - be happy for both, or at the very least don't be angry, don't be hurt. Sure she should have helped you move your stuff, but maybe you didn't ask.. Either way, it's not your concern now. Your best friend has every right to date your ex-husband because they are both consenting adults. You also have every right to reevaluate your relationship with her. It is understandable to have the feelings you have, but you do not have any right to take away the rights of other people to date each other if they want to based on them.

You could even say that you are having a very tiny soul, if you cannot handle your best friend dating someone you are no longer with. It would be different if he cheated on you with her, but this happened after you dumped him. Stop being a small souled witch, get over him I know it's hard, but life is, stop wasting time on something like this and go back to being who you were before you broke up with him.

There is no reason to lose a friend simply because she is a different person from you.

This is teenage-drama and you need to grow out of it. She is not your friend. There was probably an underlying lust for your husband far before you decided to split. Like a snake in the grass, she took the opportunity when it came. A woman who can betray her "best friend.

Her actions show that she's a self centered person, who's interested in her own pursuits and not much else. Don't be surprised if their relationship ends because of her selfish behavior. I've spent the past 6 months letting go of her and realizing all the moments I needed her and she wasn't there. No matter how many ways I play it in my mind, I still don't think a basic friend would even consider their friend's ex as available or fair game. Put a best friend in that scenario and there's absolutely no way.. She's definitely not loyal whatsoever. Not much of a loss.

You're going to need healing time, but when that period is over I'm pretty sure you'll come to find that disassociating yourself from her was a positive choice. Get closer to some of your other friends, and make new memories. Hopefully they'll be less selfish. You're not going to like what I have to say. It's going to be harsh, but I'm doing it with your best interests at heart. Also, what I'm going to say is based on the information you provided in your OP. If there are other details that may invalidate what I say, well, you didn't include them, so you can't hold me responsible for that.

So, you cheated on her friend, and she spent some time comforting him. How terrible of her to look after her friend in his time of need. And yeah, she was probably pissed at you, and not terribly inclined at the time to give you comfort over you shooting yourself in the foot. Then you expect her to choose between two of her friends? How very adult of you.

Your behavior in all of this comes across as selfish and juvenile.

Is Dating A Friend's Ex Really Such A Big No-No?

You hurt two people who were close to you and trusted you. In doing so, you hurt yourself too by alienating your friends, but irony of ironies, the people who you expected to support you in your time of need are the ones you hurt, and they weren't feeling all that enthusiastic at the time about doing so. So you withdrew from them, pouted for a year and a half, and in that time, she saw whatever it was that you saw in him however many years before, and said, why the hell not?

Sure, if she had jumped straight into bed with him after the breakup, that'd be awful. But by your post, it sounds like there was a whole year before she and he decided to get together. That sounds like a decent-enough interval. You don't have to like it, but they definitely weren't dancing on your figurative grave. All of this you brought upon yourself. None of your friends did this to you. You alienated them, you isolated yourself, now you're paying the emotional price and looking around for someone to blame besides the woman in the mirror. Say you're sorry for being such a shithead for the past 18 months, and go back to being friends with her and, if at all possible, him.

You must've missed the part where she said she didn't cheat. I also don't understand the logic here. How did she hurt the friend? Your comment will be removed even if most of it is solid, another user was rude to you first, or you feel your remark was justified. Report other violations; do not retaliate. Please be aware that we take hostility extremely seriously.

Repeated violations will result in a ban. If you would like to appeal, please message the moderators by clicking this link. She's her own person and can do whatever she wants with her life so there's that, however she has clearly overstepped the boundaries of your friendship and I would not call her your best friend.

I know it sucks a lot but you need a new bff. Someone who would do that is not worth the trouble. I didn't see the part where you cheated, and with that detail this is a bit of karma however I would still cut ties with them both but also use this time alone as a time to reflect on exactly where things went wrong. In February my ex-husband moved out because he didn't want our marriage anymore. He was having an affair that he said was only a friendship. He was trying to have his cake and eat it too.

My ex-husband might be dating my friend - Love

Our marriage went back and forth for about a year until I finally had enough. After some legal stuff with mutually owned property, we finally filed for divorce in December Now rewind to September , I was at a fundraiser with some friends, when I decided to call a long time friend to come join us since I found out his was just around the corner from where we were partying. Let's call this friend Jim. He was initially my friend then also became friends with my ex-husband through me in Long story short, we both got drunk at the event and we ended up hooking up.

We went out a few days later to talk about what happened. We decided that we would like to see each other on a romantic level. Before this I had talked to him extensively about my situation and he was always a great support through the tough parts of my marriage. My ex-husband ended up finding out we had been seeing each other and when ballistic. He told my parents and all of our friends that NOW I was having an affair. I couldn't believe it. He decided now that he wanted to come back. Anyway, I said to little too late. We ended up going through with the divorce against his wished. It was final in February of Jim and I continued to see each other very casually.

I also dated other casually for a few months. But in recent weeks it started getting more serious as we started seeing each other and talking to each other more often.

My ex-husband might be dating my friend

I was starting to have the thoughts of what are we doing here, just having fun, or what, etc, etc So one night we ended up getting drunk together and he spilled his guts. He said that he really, really liked me, but he felt guilty about the whole situation. He was dating me, his friend, who was once married to his other friend.

He said he didn't know that he could deal with all the baggage that came with this. Also the fact that my parents know what happened between us before my divorce was legal also bothered him. He also brought up the fact that he said I'm a strong successful woman with a house and all this stuff.

He wasn't sure he could offer me the same to make me happy. He asked me what I wanted of him. I told him I didn't need money or any of those things.

Welcome to Reddit,

I just wanted someone to spend time with that would love me and make me happy. I point blank said I wanted to see where this was going. We could take it slow and just see where it ends up.

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We also talked about marriage, and family and children and what the future could bring. I haven't seen him since that night Friday May 1st and I don't really know what to say at this point. My ex-husband is totally out of my life now. We had no children. There is now no contact at all between us. And I know they will never be friends again after this. But I can't help wonder about the whole situation. I guess I don't know if I should keep pursuing this. Has anyone ever had a similar situation work out?

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  5. CMV: My best friend has no right to date my ex-husband. : changemyview;
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So far this man has made me very happy. Should I keep pursuing this? Share Share this post on Digg Del. Sounds like the guy really likes you. Dear God woman, listen to yourself. At this point, your marriage was over, your husband had his chance, he blew it, he lost you. You had every right to go and find someone else who does want you and does care about you.

Of course your husband changed his mind when he heard about this, it's that male competition thing, made more intense because he knew the guy that you're now with.